Helping Parents Set Limits and Boundaries
So how do you discipline a strong-willed child? There are many different ways. A parent can give the child an explanation or a "time-out." These are sometimes quite effective. So is spanking. The most important thing to remember is that discipline must NEVER be administered in anger. Spanking is a form of discipline that does not require a long time frame to accomplish. Punishment is meant to deter negative behavior, that is, to dissuade and discourage inappropriate or potentially dangerous behavior and defiance. Your punishment must have impact. A light tap on the bottom of a diapered strong-willed toddler is not accomplishing your goal of punishment, which is:
Setting boundaries … and keeping them
What about the parent who sets the boundaries, witnesses her child cross them, follows through on the predetermined discipline, and then begins to feel sorry for her child, and cancels the punishment in midstream, before the entire "sentence" is served? The fancy term for what transpired is intermittent reinforcement. Modern science has proved that sporadically reinforced behavior is very difficult to extinguish.
Parents exercise intermittent reinforcement for two main reasons. They feel sorry for their child. (After all, Little Johnny has been inside for two whole days now, and all the neighborhood kids are frolicking right outside his window.) Or, they are too exhausted to administer the punishment. Strong-willed children are persistent, and it is important for you to be more persistent. If your strong-willed child can wear you down or convince you that you were overboard with your discipline, he will. If you are inconsistent with your discipline, your strong-willed child will battle longer, imagining that this is another time that you will give in. If you are consistent, the chances of your strong-willed child eventually giving up the fight are increased.
Parents, every day you have to decide where you'll draw the line—what behavior is permissible and what will not be tolerated. You'll have to be ready for battle every day until your child makes his own decision to stop battling. The hope is that his determination for control will lessen each day. But until he decides to acquiesce, I guarantee you that you will be pushed and tested. The more often you give in, the worse it will get, and the longer the process will take. If you hold firm, your strong-willed child will eventually give up engaging in many of the fights. Don't be shortsighted. Raising a strong-willed child is not a sprint; it's a marathon.
Behavior Contracts are another appropriate intervention for the spirited child:
For information on how to develop behavior contracts with appropriate goals tailored for home or school, go to: www.interventioncentra/behavioral-interventionsl.com
Setting boundaries … and keeping them
What about the parent who sets the boundaries, witnesses her child cross them, follows through on the predetermined discipline, and then begins to feel sorry for her child, and cancels the punishment in midstream, before the entire "sentence" is served? The fancy term for what transpired is intermittent reinforcement. Modern science has proved that sporadically reinforced behavior is very difficult to extinguish.
Parents exercise intermittent reinforcement for two main reasons. They feel sorry for their child. (After all, Little Johnny has been inside for two whole days now, and all the neighborhood kids are frolicking right outside his window.) Or, they are too exhausted to administer the punishment. Strong-willed children are persistent, and it is important for you to be more persistent. If your strong-willed child can wear you down or convince you that you were overboard with your discipline, he will. If you are inconsistent with your discipline, your strong-willed child will battle longer, imagining that this is another time that you will give in. If you are consistent, the chances of your strong-willed child eventually giving up the fight are increased.
Parents, every day you have to decide where you'll draw the line—what behavior is permissible and what will not be tolerated. You'll have to be ready for battle every day until your child makes his own decision to stop battling. The hope is that his determination for control will lessen each day. But until he decides to acquiesce, I guarantee you that you will be pushed and tested. The more often you give in, the worse it will get, and the longer the process will take. If you hold firm, your strong-willed child will eventually give up engaging in many of the fights. Don't be shortsighted. Raising a strong-willed child is not a sprint; it's a marathon.
Behavior Contracts are another appropriate intervention for the spirited child:
For information on how to develop behavior contracts with appropriate goals tailored for home or school, go to: www.interventioncentra/behavioral-interventionsl.com